All morning long, Annie and I have been having irrational battles. The first occurred when she wouldn't eat her oatmeal that was "too hot". I had made the oatmeal an hour and a half earlier. It had been cooling off ever since. I tried several rational approaches - "Feel it with your finger", "My oatmeal is not too hot", "It's been out for over an hour". Then the irrational approaches (something about stooping to a 2-year olds level) - "I'll blow on it and it won't be hot anymore", "I put it in the fridge, so it's not hot", "Wait 20 seconds and it will be cool, and then you can eat it". All of these conversations happened minutes apart as she cried and cried. After a long and frustrating morning of this we had to leave to our appointment (sans breakfast). When the appointment didn't go quite as planned, we came home quickly and started the battle again. Finally, I gave up on the oatmeal and ate it myself and made her some cinnamon toast. Despite telling me this was what she wanted (except for the part where I ate her oatmeal), this caused another slough of meltdowns. This time I couldn't even follow the nonsensical requests. By this point we had to turn around and go back for another appointment. In the parking lot she all of the sudden stopped and began yelling that she didn't want me to eat her oatmeal, she wanted me to simultaneously put it in the fridge and dump it out.
We got home again and she happily played in a puddle for a little while (by FAR the best part of the day for all of us at this point), but then it was lunchtime. I thought I'd successfully navigated all the requests I knew were coming (taking the yogurt lid off by herself, helping to make the toast, and facilitating her putting the cinnamon on by herself), but little did I know I'd made a crucial mistake: I brought the cinnamon from the counter to the table instead of letting her do it. She then spent 30 minutes crying and begging for me to take the cinnamon from the table back to the counter.
***Important caveat: Our pediatrician told us not to let our 2-year old get something by crying. We are trying really hard to either avoid the battle entirely or not give in. Ergo, I spent 30 minutes of my life trying to tell her she could take the cinnamon back herself and then bring it over or she could just put it on her toasts at the table. Finally, my pediatrician's advice got run over by my daughter's iron will and I put the cinnamon back on the counter. Only to have her insist that I hadn't put butter on the toast . . . You get the idea.
Any ideas for dealing with irrational toddlers? (You can't suggest going inactive and skipping our 1-4 church meeting for the next 5 months, even though I'm fairly certain no nap yesterday had something to do with it.) I'm heading off to the fray again. Wish me luck!
8 comments:
I can totally sympathize! It's such a great age, isn't it? Aaron has mostly grown out of pulling that kind of stuff with us, but it still happens now and then when he hasn't had enough sleep. Good luck!
Ruth is finally starting to pass that stage *knock on wood* except when over tired too. I think all of my parents and in-laws and everyone in public that I was horrible for not giving in even when she was crying over something little and stupid, but I think that is what finally got her to change her ways. She spent a lot of time crying to herself, often in her room if I was sick of hearing it. Good luck! And, I couldn't hear her today, so no worries ;)
Phew! Good luck! I was so glad when Naomi started going to her room when she was upset (her idea). I worried at first because I wasn't talking it over with her, but it really has helped her to learn how to calm down by herself. She was probably a year older than Annie when she started though. :( I hope things get better soon!
Isn't it amazing how much agency is a part of us. I can't get over how quick babies want to make their own choices. And on that note,
Don't forget to laugh, seriously...it is funny (not so much in the moment but always later).
Realize that this is why we must be mothers...it is a refiner's fire and we are getting scorched. I love what Elder Robbins said in Conference (I am summing it up)...but basically, with which child will your patience, long-suffering and other Christ-like virtues become defined...could it be that you need this child as much as she needs you?
And last but not least, know that just down the road I am fighting the same battles. :)
I completely understand, and I also recommend 1-2-3 Magic. There is a book and a DVD. It has helped a lot-not that we don't still have our days and plenty of progress to make. Good luck! It was nice to talk to you!
So funny MaryAnne!!! I am no help, I still haven't figured it out... sometimes i just have to think, "this too shall pass" :) Good luck!!
Sounds like our day today - screaming fits over everything from orange juice to paint. I do better dealing with it on the days I get enough sleep. So not very often. :-)
so funny (for me to read.) i'm glad i'm past that stage! this is pam mcguire! do your parents have a blog yet?
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